Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Mr. Speaker, my statement today is about what I might read about, opening a newspaper one year from now.
---Laughter
Premier Joe Handley has returned from another long devolution negotiation with Ottawa. When asked if we are now a province, the Premier replied, "The Government of Canada will not budge, so we are now a country."
---Laughter
"I will be known as President Handley. Everything here now belongs to its rightful owners."
Mr. McLeod and Mr. Roland issued the following statement from Mr. Krutko's trailer, "We are happy to hear President Handley saying the pipeline will now be built because, if not, we, in the Beaufort-Delta, were prepared to pass our gas somewhere else."
---Laughter
Mr. Pokiak was absent and was last seen with a wheelbarrow and chainsaw leaving Tuktoyaktuk, and heading for Inuvik, and saying, "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself."
---Applause
Mrs. Groenewegen, after unsuccessfully trying to have her new country named "Hay River," was appointed secretary of state. She has just completed her first international visit. The United States is now a colony of the NWT, and ANWR is off limits.
---Laughter
Mr. Hawkins, in his attempt to become the first person to drive a Winnebago from North America to Japan had to abandon his trip after sinking the motor home 30 feet from shore.
Mr. Dent, seeking an easier line of work, has decided to take up ultimate fighting, with his first match scheduled for next week.
Meanwhile, Ms. Sandy Lee, looking for another place to release her energy, is hoping to become the first woman to come back as a man in the ultimate fighting octagon.
---Laughter
It is rumoured that her first opponent is known as C.D.
Mr. Menicoche, frustrated with the lack of ferry services, spent this summer, along with Minister McLeod, rowing vehicles across the Liard River. Once a winter road opens, he plans to move to Nahanni Butte to teach aerobics classes with granny in the new gym.
---Applause
Mr. Bell and Mr. Ramsay, after doing the math and splitting their $2 million lottery win, were vacationing in Fiji, where they met Mr. Braden, who is now a member of that assembly.
---Applause
He tells them that they have no snow removal equipment, and he plans to make that his mandate.
---Laughter
I seek unanimous consent to conclude my statement.